I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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