i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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