final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
