I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
