WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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