when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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