I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
