Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
