If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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