Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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