My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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