I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
