I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
