I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
