just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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