Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
