I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
