I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
