she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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