Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
