Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
