Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
