I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize