why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
