...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
