then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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