Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
