I can text with my tongue
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
