mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize