Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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