my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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