I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
