jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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