it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
