i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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