I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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