Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
