Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
