I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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