I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
