Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
