i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
