When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
