in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
