Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
