He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
