the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
