i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
