The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So squirting runs in the family.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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