found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
