yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
