your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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