dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had sex on a roof
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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