I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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