I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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