bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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