She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Randomize
