I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
