My brain says no but my pants say off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
