yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
