You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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