M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
