if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
