True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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