How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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