Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
