Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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