Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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