Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
