Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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